BUCS Preview: Edinburgh vs Dundee

Well that seems pretty conclusive. People are fairly convinced that this match can only go one way but they have put some imagination into how it might play out.

Dundee – scrappy but toothless?

The narrative here seems to be that they can put up a fight at the start but can’t back it up.

• “Dundee looked alright at regionals and Gabe is kinda small so i think they can score a few”
• “Nick byrne will get really angry and do a kick-spike to make the score 3-3 and then they will lose”

 

Ro Sham Bo..ring?

They are looking stronger this year so maybe they just need a bit of swagger and some results to make people take notice.

• “This match will be incredibly uninteresting. I would rather watch quidditch”
• “Edinburgh wins but Henry Loan gets the Snitch”
• “Cones to be kicked. Gabe to start googling PhDs at Glasgow while playing chase.”
• “Can’t think of anything witty to say about anyone else since Edinburgh lacks any tangible personality anymore.”
• Predicted winning margin: 8 points

 

Overall

Key influencers:

• “As Gabe was successful in fending off Theresa May (editors note: unsure whether this is a reference to immigration or something more salacious) and the Home Office, it’s likely he’ll celebrate in his most known way – destroying some previously-unknown Dundee player. Whether this will happen before or after Dundee score their only 4 points of the game is unclear.”
• References to Gabes height: 3
• Several controversial differences of opinion as to whether Lochlan’s hair is “great”, “amazing”, or “Samson-like”.

Take away message:

• “Edinburgh will take the half easy 8-2. They’ll trade a little, making the game 11-5. Dundee get a couple more points on the board, causing the fans to believe in a come back, but it doesn’t happen, ro sham take the game 12-7.”

Good luck to both teams!

Bonus feature – what will Glasgow and Heriot Watt do with their free time?

According to your suggestions this is how you think Heriot Watt and Glasgow will use their free time now their match has been postponed:

2pm

• Both teams run spirit workshops to talk about gender equity and patting your opponent on the butt when they score

3pm

• Far Flung find another tournament to enter
• Fraser Stewart (HW) tells his teamates he is going to go work on his throws in the wind. In reality he is secretly practicing and trying out to be a contestant in the SU Strictly event.

5pm

• Far Flung pull out of tournament

Evening

• Herriot-watt will lounge around being grumpy about everything and having no other teams as their friends while Glasgow will dance round a fire chanting ‘indoors isn’t real ultimate’
• Glasgow will probably head to their local club #wearingtheirmedals (presumably because even if it isn’t real ultimate they have to take their glory where they can)